Would all you people with perfect Christmas trees/wreaths/wrapped parcel please, festively, button it.
Why? Because with four days to go, I've bought nothing, done nothing and my house looks like it's been burgled. I got pissed wet through with the dog, he's now 98% mud and had to be bathed. Then I decided it was a good idea to clean the rugs. Cos nothing says Christmas like a frageant rug, right. 'I'll be back in a couple of hours' I confidently informed the woman in the shop. Four chuffin hours later, I'm still at it. I've put tarpaulins down to protect the wood floors so it looks like a scene from CSI Derby I've used all the detergent, done it eight times and it's still not finished. All the windows have steamed up and the house smells of the killer combo of wet carpet and wet dog. My daemon, the cat watched me the whole time, judging me. To top it off, I think I've also got a new medical condition, RugDoctor thumb. Merry Christmas.