Men in white coats.

As penance for being such a gobby bastard on the cricket pitch for three decades (and because there is a dearth of them and I want to put something back into the game I adore), I'm doing the course to become an official cricket umpire.

I already spend hundreds of overs umpiring club matches for my own team each season and I always bloody love it. I really do. This will just allow me to do it at a higher level if and when other teams playing at the required level have that need.

Six two-hour sessions and an exam and then I get to wear a Panama hat, endlessly count to six and be sworn at by tall fast bowlers when I turn down the "fucking plumb lbw, you wanker".

Can't wait....

In other splendid news, I've managed (whilst decluttering - more on that in subsequent blips) to discover the lost spouse of a very expensive sock I was going to send to the rag bank. Bingo! Always nice to piss on misfortune's chips.