Social networking.....

Marta’s phone rang at 9.45pm precisely. She briefly considered ignoring it, but knew that if she did, her mother would try texting, WhatsApping, messaging, Skyping, FaceTiming, and if necessary, sending a carrier pigeon.

She picked up her mobile. 'Good evening caller, you’ve reached Sarcasm Anonymous. How may I help you?'

'If your knife skills were as sharp as your tongue' snapped Dora, 'your career in catering might have gone better!'

'And there,' said Marta, turning to her audience (Genghis), 'is the proof that this caller really needs help.'

 Genghis refused to take sides….his loyalties very much depended on who had the biggest stash of Dreamies.

'So how are you today, mother? Have you terrified any delivery men? Traumatised your GP? Taken any illegal walks?'

'Don’t be ridiculous. I’m not going out until this is all over. And until then, I’m practising antisocial distancing.'

'It’s social distancing mother.'

'There’s nothing social about it! I haven’t seen a soul for at least a day, I’ve nothing in, and Waitrose can’t deliver until next November!!'

 Marta immediately felt guilty. 'I’m sorry. Are you out of everything? You know perfectly well I’ll go shopping for you whenever you want.'

'Well……..you could pick me up some essentials I suppose. Just the basics – nothing unnecessary. I mean, perhaps if you could get me some limes, lemons and oranges……'

'Good idea,' interrupted Marta, 'boosting your immune system with some vitamin C.'

'…..and to go with them,' Dora continued, 'some Stolichnaya, Tanqueray, Cointreau……oh and I may as well have some vermouth, a couple of bottles of Pimms…..'

 Marta sighed. If the corona virus didn’t kill her mother, she might very well consider doing it herself.