TheOttawacker

By TheOttawacker

Can’t I stay down here? Day 22 of confinement

The more I read of life in the outside world, the more I think that staying put in the basement is a good idea. I mean, what in the name of God have you been doing while I have been down here?
 
Take today, for example. I mean, I expect Trump to go into meltdown at every possible opportunity – and the more the pressure gets piled on him, the more likely it is that he is going to crack spectacularly. But even by the low standards I expect of him, the man is clearly set on out-performing himself on his one-way mission to oblivion. Nowadays, I almost expect him to turn up with a hachimachi scarf around his head; his press briefing performances are increasingly similar to those of John Belushi's kamikaze on Saturday Night Live in the 70s; today’s was masterful.
 
Touting the benefits of hydroxychloroquine, a lupus drug so powerful it makes your eyeballs curl if not administered properly, Trump now has this down as a miracle cure for the Covid19 coronavirus – even though his sidekick Anthony Fauci, America’s leading doctor on infectious diseases and part of the White House task force, has been adamant there is nothing to suggest hydroxychloroquine has any benefit against coronavirus. Not content with endangering the lives of every American with his batshit-crazy theories on the coronavirus hoax, the Orange-in-Chief is now also potentially hospitalizing lupus sufferers because his red-capped followers are out buying every dose of hydroxychloroquine they can get their hands on… just in case they catch this disease which may or may not be a hoax.
 
I could spend the rest of the evening writing about that numpty, but it would stop me spouting forth about other deserving recipients of the 2020 Darwin Award.
 
Oh, here’s one: Boris Johnson. Now, this floppy-haired buffoon delayed the UK’s response to the coronavirus by a couple of weeks by dreaming up the brilliant “herd immunity” theory, by which anyone over 65 would be sacrificed to protect the economy build immunity in the rest of the population. Besides, he argued, the virus isn’t that bad. Why, I have just been into a hospital myself and have shaken hands with coronavirus patients. It’s part of my job, and life must go on as normal. Now, here’s a starter for ten in today’s Entitled Prick Challenge Competition. Hands on buzzers. Q: Which floppy-haired prick of a prime minister managed to catch coronavirus and get himself hospitalized as a result of going into a hospital and shaking hands with coronavirus patients? … I must take your first answer… A: Was it, was it, Boris Johnson? Correct. Well done.
 
Elsewhere, the British government is at least doing a stellar job winning over the hearts and minds of the population. Let’s take the inimitable Jacob Rees-Mogg, for example. Now, Rees-Mogg shot to fame for still having a nanny (aged 50), naming his sixth child Sixtus, for lolling about in the House of Commons like a reclining–if somewhat skinny–Botticelli, and for being something of (as we say in Liverpool) a bad meff. However, he is one of many, so has somehow escaped the general mocking and censure the rest of the British Conservative party has endured (at least here in Canada). (Canadians like their Brits eccentric, and there are none more eccentric that the Honourable Member for the 18th Century.)
 
Unfortunately for him, however, today news came out that his investment firm – like the majority of his party, he is a multi-millionaire, no better way to keep in touch with the man or woman in the street after all – has been accused of profiteering from the coronavirus by exploiting the worldwide market volatility. There is, his company said in an email to investors, no better time to make money – in fact, it is a “once in a generation” chance to earn “super normal returns”. This, of course, on the day that more than 700 people died in the UK, including a boy aged five. This is how we want our governments making decisions, isn't it? It's all a bit Poldark.
 
Meanwhile, in Scotland, a country I have touted as perhaps being the role model for British politics, not least because of the proliferation of politicians of the female persuasion, none other than the chief medical officer Catherine Calderwood has been doing her best to prove that women can be just as stupid and entitled as men, at least within the sphere of politics. Madame C resigned having been caught visiting her second home on a couple of occasions and therefore not following her own social distancing guidance. There is absolutely no excuse for this type of behaviour, she’s not even a Tory.
 
Thank God for Ireland. At least one country has managed to elect a person of dignity and honour to the position of leader. I first noticed Leo Varadkar for his restraint and dignity when he managed to stand next to the Floppy-Haired Buffoon and not slap him violently around the chops during one of the farcical pre-Brexit visits he had inflicted on him. He was probably reserving the slaps for one of Johnson’s “Ireland has a lot to thank Britain for” comments – if the tosser can manage to recite a Kipling colonial poem at one of Myanmar’s holiest sites during a visit, he is certainly capable of reminding the Irish of why they hate the English during a cap-in-hand visit – he was expected to make. Now, however, the Taoiseach is well on the way to canonization, having re-registered as a doctor to help out during the pandemic. I mean, that’s the sort of behaviour we expect from Jacinda Ardern.
 
If you want to have a look at what constitutes a good leader, we have had a few excellent examples in this crisis: Angela Merkel, Ardern and Varadkar, and perhaps Justin Trudeau, too. Not only has he managed to keep calm while Trump threatened to station troops on the Canadian border (in case any of us decided to give up a nationalized health system to try our luck in Merr’ka), he also had to put up with Darth Satsuma’s ordering of 3M to cease sending face masks to Canada. Of course, the materials used to make these masks are sourced in… this could be another starter for ten… that’s right, Canada. One awaits with interest future developments.
 
Today’s blip is of my aunt and uncle, both of whom are currently fighting the virus in the UK. Neither of them deserve it, both of them have been careful. It is no respecter of anything this virus. So take care, stay away from other people, and wash your hands.  

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