The Policeman's Ball....

Dora was on the phone to Marta.
'Have you heard the tragic news about your father's lovely partner?' she said.

'No, but it's the sadness that's making you laugh, is it?' said Marta.

'I dont know what you mean. I'm never anything but lovely to her.....excuse me; was that a snort I heard?'

'Hayfever. Anyway, carry on. What's the news?'

'Well apparently, she's not coping at all well with lock-up.'

'You mean lockdown.'

'No, I mean lock-up. She's inside. Banged up. Been put away!'

'Have you been watching old reruns of The Sweeney again mother? Locked up for what? Crimes against good taste?'

'She ran amok,' said Dora gleefully. 'Accused your father of cheating on her, by eating two quarter pounders and a jammy doughnut when he was supposedly on a Vegan Retreat for Sugar Addicts. She went loco. Set fire to his complete collection of Rick Stein, and threw Nigella Lawson in the swimming pool. But it was when she started scribbling obscenities all over Mary Berry that your poor dear father cracked and called the Guardia Civil.'

'So she's actually in prison? Blimey...is there anything we should do?'

'Well I phoned and offered to send her a file in a cake, but apparently that tipped her over the edge and she stamped on a policeman's lunchbox!'

'Stamped on his lunchbox?'

'Yes,' said Dora happily, 'completely flattened his chorizo.....'