Gratitude in Grief

Being present in other people’s pain, is a paradox of paralysis and privilege.

This morning I stood with an incredibly brave couple in neonatal ICU, coming to terms with the deterioration of their one-week old baby boy. With no definite diagnosis, but the growing realisation that they will probably soon be saying goodbye.

They tell me he’s been a fighter - well, he must get that from Mum and Dad, because they certainly are too. They don’t fight back tears - their grief is an expression of their love. But they are patiently, persistently kind, always thanking the staff - it takes courage to be that consistent, when emotions feel anything but.

Paralysis - because there’s nothing to say that can remove their pain.
Privilege - because it always is to be with people, when there is no energy left to put on any veneer or pretences. And what’s the purpose of that, when we remember how brief our time with each other may be.

Baby has a brother, who is doing well. How do you process celebrating 2 new lives when one is ending? But they are amazing parents, spending every moment they can going between their 2 boys, both on different wards. There is no doubt that these children are loved.