Marlene and Angela

This morning I hurtled off at 12Km/Hr, sounds faster than 8mph, on the lookout for victims subjects. Halfway down the hill out of the village I had reached terminal velocity when I noticed two ladies eyeing up a mountain bike which had a sign on it, “Free,” well any discerning scouser would have had it then put it on E-bay for £70 or nearest offer. Not these girls, they giggled and left it there. 

May I introduce Marlene in the main picture and Angela in the extra. As with many people they walk every day, natter and enjoy the scenery. Then some dipstick asks if they are interested in nude portraiture; what a laugh we had. 

As we are stuck out half way across the North Atlantic we are getting settled in for the blow and rain that is expected tomorrow. The shed is full of wood, the pipes are all clean, baccy tins at the ready and my Zippo topped up with fuel. Lateral shift, when I was in Norway during the winter of 1979 I ran out of lighter so instead of using jet fuel, which would have been sensible, I used naphtha, the fuel for our cooking stoves. Mistake. I topped up my lighter, filled my pipe and clicked the flint. Whoooompadah. The lighter flew in an arc through the air, fortunately I was wearing gloves so I thrust my hand in the snow, which was 8 feet deep. The pity I received was negligible, nobody helped me search for the lighter, it was visible due to the steam emanating from the snow. Happy days. 

One day I flew to a fjord south of Narvik and located a troop of United States Marines, they were over for instruction and training. Their troop Sgt yelled out “Hey Leroy, make this guy some coffee please!” A huge black Marine poked his head out of his pup tent, looked at me then dodged back in. Seconds later I heard him pumping up the pressure on his naphtha stove. As I shouted, “Leroy NOOOOOOO!” There was a whump, the tent bulged and Leroy came out. Seconds previously he was shiny black, now he had a matte coating of carbon. Bloody hilarious, lesson one in Norwegian picnics. 

I have been reminded that I always carry a travel iron to remove creases for the nude portraits.