Surrender

Had my first dose of the vaccination today.  Oxford Astra Zeneca.  I thought it was a very well run facility.  It did, however, remind me of why I don’t like taking medication if it can be avoided.  

When I have been a part of or witnessed medical interventions in the past most of the time i’ve noticed a palpable sense of surrender at one point or another. Surrender in that you choose to get in the “machine” to be weighed and measured with someone else pressing the buttons to direct you to the outcome. At some point or other you are so far into the machine that backing out is harder than working through to the end.  Sometimes the button pressers have a light touch, sometimes they mash away like playing Daley Thompsons decathlon. 

One example that comes to mind is the birth of my son.   We started with a Doula, no drugs, a home birthing pool and a tea pot and then 48 hours later we ended with an emergency C section.  This was a light touch and very good.

We had a great outcome in that case and fantastic care with a healthy baby... but each step of the way I witnessed my wife’s disappointment that her plan and options were gently and sensitively disappearing.  There was no real choice of course, everything that was done led to the right outcome that time. We had excellent care.  It’s similar with watching loved ones go through other procedures and Cancer care, sometimes, sadly, to less satisfactory outcomes and sometimes with a heavy touch. 

It’s fantastic the level of care and support we can get and as far as I’m concerned everyone working in health care through this should get a medal ( and a big pay rise).... I suppose my ramble today is about surrendering control and trust in a largely (sadly) untrustworthy world.  I find that difficult and I felt like that when I first got in the snaking queue today and the well oiled machine turned another revolution.