Mixed Images

Tulips and snow... why not?  Some colour to brighten up yet another grey day.

Housework and gaming, sometimes in that order, sometimes not.  What would be really nice to do right now is hibernate.  What some people do with hard lockdown is skip over the border to Belgium and browse around the shops there and eat in the cafés because the COVID grass is greener on the other side of the fence, no?  And then, of course, return home to spread around here whatever they've picked up there.  The idea of it only makes me feel even more tired.  I'll leave all that activity to them as long as they don't come around to visit.

At a particularly 'down' moment, I blurted out to AW that I was so sorry I was such a weird freak and didn't amount to much, whereupon he said that, in any case, I am his special freak and I make him happy, and that is all that matters.  The insight I gained from that little exchange was that even the positive things told to me when I was young were lies, attempts to manipulate me by messing with my head and then later abusing my trust.  Layer after layer, the onion is peeled, revealing absolutely nothing underneath.  Only my years here have really mattered.

Fair weather or not, I miss Carmela.  Such a trusted friend she was.