Bejaysus and begorrah.

Dear Rory
What possessed you to do this ad?
Yes, I know you are sponsored by Santander so you have no choice.
But still. You should have pretended you were dead that day.

Jensen 'Olivier' Button and Jessica 'Dench' Ennis must be delighted.

Wooden would be a compliment.
The fruit bowl is like David Tennant in King Lear next to you.
The apple in your hand (which you shake in time to the words as if you can't talk without your hand moving) out acted you. I can feel and see the desperation as you gallop through those words as if they have no meaning, as if you are speaking a foreign language phonetically. I can even see your eyes reading the autocue.

Then as a reward, you get to bite the apple.
Like a horse. A talking horse.

But not a very good one.

Good luck at the Masters by the way.