The Sound Of Silence

Generally speaking, I'm pretty good at biting back the urge to sing along when listening to music with earphones. The one major exception to this - and I'd go so far as to call it a genuine psychological disorder - is that I feel pathologically compelled to sing harmony vocals when listening to Simon and Garfunkel songs. This essentially boils down to singing along with Garfunkel's bits, though there are times when I boldly weave in my own counter-harmony, as if I was the missing member of a musical trio that they never got round to forming. (A sad loss for the music world in general, as my presence in the act would almost certainly have turned Paul and Art away from writing endless songs about New York, and persuaded them to record a few about Bilston market and Smethwick leisure centre).

Needless to say, everyone who has ever had to endure me listening to Simon and Garfunkel with earphones in has quietly plotted to kill me. They've seen it as the only recourse to stop the endless, unpredictable MMMM-MMMM-MMMMs, OOOOOOOOOHs and AAAAAAAAAAHs, with the odd HEY-HEY-HEY, LIE-LA-LIE, DOO-DOO-DOO, and even a PARSLEY, SAGE, ROSEMARY AND THYME or two. When the urge comes over me these days, I'm forced into solitary confinement for my own safety until I've Garfunkelled myself into a stupor.

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