BREAKING NEWS!

News is just in that a daring nighttime break in at the Back Porch Cafe occurred last night!  The masked intruder overturned bowls and stole the bird feeder which, luckily, was recovered a short distance away by the cafe owner.  No paw prints were identified but the miscreant left another bit of "evidence" for investigators.  A BOLO (be on the lookout) has been issued and the public has been warned.  This reporter is happy to announce that the cafe will reopen this morning.  Film at 11. (don't I wish!)