When the spirit moves you....

A very old, rather deaf lady sashayed up to the dispensary today, and informed me that she was plagued by ...........poltergeists!

I haven't had pharmacy chat with a lunatic for ages, so I asked for more details.

'Horrid things', she bellowed. 'They come and go, and never seem to be in the same place twice. What do you recommend?'

As you know, I'm almost a professional, so I said, 'Not a clue. How about a priest?'

She had the cheek to look at me as though I was the mad one.

'I don't want the last rites dear', she said. 'Poltergeists aren't going to kill me, are they!'

Only if they lob a fridge or something at you, I muttered....

'Have you considered getting exorcised?' I asked brightly.

'I do yoga twice a week, but really, I fail to see how that's helpful. Don't you have a poultice?'

Diverted though I was by the idea of a poltergeist poultice, I had to admit we didn't.

'Will it help if I show you a poltergeist?' she asked, clearly identifying me as an idiot.

Well as you can imagine, I was agog. I was really looking forward to seeing photographic evidence of ghosts, until she pulled up her wooly vest and let me see.........a pustule. A fecking infected pustule!


Is it any wonder I'm already on the gin?