Implausible excursions of S Mouse XIV

A SECOND MESSAGE FROM OUR SPONSOR.

Are you tired of the whole suspiciously-well-dressed-man-at-the-crossroads schtick? Mortgaged your soul to any number of them and still can't play the guitar like Jimmy Page or get the girl / boy / other? Frankly fed up that it's somehow always a man at the crossroads: why not a suspiciously well-dressed woman or, you know, mouse? Have they replaced all the crossroads with roundabouts or installed traffic lights anyway?

Do you sometimes think that the whole selling-your-soul thing was made up by record-company executives to sell that difficult second album that nobody really liked?

Us too. And we have contacts in the industry: we've done our research, asked the right people ('people' you say: OK not really people but, you know) so we're in a position to know. It's all lies and jest: guitarists don't have souls. I mean, have you met many guitarists? And don't get us started on fiddle players. Just don't, OK? No, we mean it: stop already.

It's all just rubbish: who knows or cares if it was the record-company executives, or which album it was exactly (that untitled quadruple instrumental album with the drum solo over two sides must have been a hard sell, for sure). It's all made up.

No, what you need to do is come to one of our secret (well, not secret: more sort of discreet) hilltop fairy castles, and we'll sort you out. And we won't be after your soul: what would we do with a soul? I mean we could maybe hang it on the wall as a sort of decoration, perhaps? Not a bad idea really I suppose. But no, we don't want your soul (remember what we said: guitarists don't have souls and yes, this means you). All you have to do is dance with some of our really delightful fairy princes and princesses for a while, just a little while, until morning may be (let's not go worrying about which morning, and we'll send you home with licks in your mind you can't imagine, and the talent to play them. No small print, no hidden extras.

Just pop up any time: yes a full moon is best and solstices and equinoxes are also good but really any time will do, and pay us a visit. We'd be delighted to help.

Where do you find us? It's easy: light a beeswax candle at midnight (do make sure to use the right timezone: we really don't have any time for the whole 'daylight savings' nonsense) close your eyes and spin around widdershins. Open your eyes and it's that way. Make sure you blow the candle out: we don't want any fires. And ... do make sure it's widdershins, you don't want to try the other. Really, you don't: it's bad.

This message brought to you by the Glittering Gold company in conjunction with the Hy Brasil organisation. All offers are final. No user-serviceable parts inside. Not safe on all hallows eve. For instructional use only.

AGAIN S MOUSE WOULD LIKE TO MAKE CLEAR THAT HE IS IN NO WAY AFFILIATED WITH THE GLITTERING GOLD COMPANY OR ANY OF ITS REPRESENTATIVES OR SUBSIDIARIES. HE JUST LIKES THE MONEY AND ALSO BEING ABLE TO PLAY THE GUITAR.