Guilty M'lud.....

Mrs Booty bought herself some new knitting needles while we were away in that there Yorkshire. They were (note the past imperfect) made of Beech.

Today, Madam Vicky bloody Pollard disappeared off the radar for five quiet minutes.

Later her boss and owner discovered the remnants of two pairs of beautiful birch needles in the lounge. Let your imagination run riot at the language I utilised and the threats made against her life. She appears suitably chastened but that's just an act.

Four new pairs of needles are en-route.