The New Hat ....

I have a new hat.
But I've never had a cat.
I have a new mat.
But on it nothing is sat.

I love my new hat.
The last was squashed flat
by a shy bureaucrat
who came by for a chat.

Molly sees my new hat:
She says: "You rascally brat."
She pulls out her gat ....
Rat a tat tat.

After this lethal spat
I'm lying dead in my flat
and she's given the hat
to a Glaswegian called Pat.

Even if a cat
had been sat on that mat,
I was doomed by the hat
in her eyes, and that's that.