Crying

I cried again today, in the lake. We went to scout out the course for Sunday's race and I couldn't swim over top of a large patch of seaweed just off of shore. I know it's just a plant. It doesn't bother me when it floats loose and I pick it up and touch it. But I cannot look down and see a field of it swaying in the murky water without becoming terrified and crying like a little kid.

What does this mean for the race on Sunday? I honestly don't know. I am hoping that my "race mentality" will kick in and I will get into a "just do it" zone. Or, with all the people and the splashing I won't see it. Or, I will have more important things to worry about than the seaweed. Or one of my mantras will get my through it. There really is no way to know.

I feel terrible because a year ago this time, I had very real, very painful things to be crying about. And now, I am crying over seaweed as if it's the most terrifying thing I've ever faced. I feel incredibly silly.