Tableau for Two

Jock:  .....so, even though she was just about to leave for her tuba practice, l told her straight - I'm no going to let it fester.

Rab:  You mean she's asked you to leave ?

Jock:  Exactly

Rab:  I'm amazed.  You must have been together now, what, 45 years?

Jock: Forty five years it is, but we've niver been together.  We're only neighbours.

Rab: But l thocht...

Jock: Aye, ye may well have thought.  Many did.  Bizarrely I've ended up with custody of the  tuba.


Rab:  And you had no suspicions ?

Jock:  Well for a while noo l had been receiving calls from the Maritime Coastguard Agency.   A man would say 'The coast is clear' then put down the receiver. 

Rab:  Honestly - what is the world coming to?  It mind's me on of that naval Norman Wisdom film.....

Jock:  Aye min, as Blake said   'The road of excess leads to the palace of wisdom...You never know what is enough until you know what is more than enough'.

Rab: Yes but William Blake never experienced a lock-in at the Ferry Inn with Big Babs.

Jock: And I've had to cancel her copy of People's Friend.
Rab:  She wisnae a polymath then ?

Jock:  Does your Maggie still preheat your dumbells ?

Rab: No l put my foot doon.  Have you seen Big Andy recently ?

Jock: It's a good job you're seated.  I was in bed last night, reading my Haynes manual of the Hillman Imp.  I turned ower and Big Andy was between me and my Missus.

Rab:  What page number are you on ?