Wisteria

Gavin is doing better now that he is back in hospital, where he will remain until next week. However last night the surgeon went to see him as he had the results of the pathology report. It’s very bad news, worse than he was expecting. It’s a very rare and aggressive cancer, tests revealed it’s a high grade cancer meaning it may grow and spread quickly and it will come back as other tumours. It does not respond to any chemical treatments so he can’t have chemotherapy. So rare, there are only 38 cases in the UK. I spoke to the surgeon on the phone last night and he sent me Whatsapps answering my questions. Today he spent a good chunk of time talking to Gavin about it.

This is a devastating shock to us. First plan of action is to get him better post-surgery so that he can be handed into the care of the oncologist. His case is going before a panel of medical specialists in a meeting next Wednesday and hopefully they can come up with some treatment plan. It has also been referred to the Royal Marsden for a second opinion. We are all in shock and I have felt sick ever since hearing this news. It goes without saying that I did not sleep last night, but I am hoping the oncologist may come up with a plan as he takes over the case.

I had a good day with Gavin, we spoke realistically about things and he did his walking and breathing exercises. We have to remain optimistic.

I don't feel I can cope with comments and so have turned them off. Friends and all of you have been so kind and supportive, but I just need some time to process all of this. Tommy comes home tonight so that is good. I was going to stop blipping but then I thought it's my personal journal and I want a record of this horrendous journey, when everything feels like it is out of our control.

Wisteria from my garden for something beautiful and calming , and also because it symbolises love, immortality and endurance.