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Yet again, Charles III has overlooked me in his birthday honours. (You'd think with my surname being 'King', he'd have a certain empathy. But no, nothing. Nada. Not even a certificate saying 'Loudest Sneeze in Edinburgh'.)

When one considers how hard I almost work in the surgery (guillotining random bits of paper, lining up specimen bottles and knocking them down with condom packets, sometimes even being vaguely polite to the patients) a Damehood should be mine.

Would someone please start a petition asap. (There's some free chlamydia tests in it for you if you're successful!)


PS Thank you to everyone who's been kind enough to ask after my brother. He's feeling fine and just getting on with life...his results are due at the end of this week, so fingers crossed until then. X