Five Months of Missing

Good day, it's Mrs B here, PicturePoems' daughter.
It is 5 months since we lost our beloved PicturePoems. I don't think a day has gone by where I've not shed a tear (or rather many tears), desperately missing the person who was not only my mother, but my best friend, and the person I once called 'home'. Nothing prepares you for such a loss, and we are still adjusting to this strange and disconcerting world without her. Before she l was taken from us, we talked about Blip. I'd been saying for a while how I must join, and she said I would be welcome to continue her journal, as others have done when their loved ones have died. Dad (AKA Mr PP) feels I've got the creative energy within me and it was pointed out by both that 'it's paid for!' ;-) So, it feels only right that I should continue this journal...

I could never (and would never want to) replace PP, but I feel it might help me to keep her spirit alive by joining Blip. She assured me what a lovely community it is and I trust her judgement. I've returned to her page a lot lately and I'm so grateful to have so many years of beautiful photographic memories and whimsical words to look back on.

A little about me; I'm also a click and point photographer as was Mum. I share in her love of nature, words and animals.

A bit of a cheat for a first post... But here's a collage of happenings since we lost PP in February. In the week following her death we all felt the same desperate urge to just run away. I know "not all those who wander are lost" but in the case, we very much were. Thanks to the kindness of friends and family we were able to do this. Mr PP went to stay with his sister, whilst we were offered use of a friend's caravan on the Yorkshire coast. On the journey up we stopped by a farm park with the children... And what should I spot in the gift shop? A bendy man! I felt it was a sign from Mum so I took him along with us and at the caravan he saw a beautiful rainbow, which I'm sure she sent us too.. the bendy man spotted it first of course! We found some comfort watching the waves, and crying in a different location, without all the painful reminders of absence.

I didn't want to come home of course... The following month brought the spring equinox and the day of mum's funeral (she'd have liked it being on a meaningful date). It was never going to be easy but I hope we honoured her with flowers of her favourite colours, the songs we sang at her her hospital bed and a beautiful wreath styled into a book. 

We've visited places we would always go together and it was bittersweet seeing the snowdrops from the bench we'd always sit on together. It hurt. She deserved to see spring. And the children growing, like the flowers do.

Mr PP's birthday fell on Mothering Sunday. Another painful first for us all.. Little Miss B made him a beautiful "Frozen" cake... What more could a Grandad want?!

We visited the woods where we had shared lovely walks, and where Little Miss B had led us in those initial days of mourning, reminding us how Granny was the "most naturey" person she knew, and that butterflies always reminded her of Granny. By some mysterious act of fate, she led us to a whole area we'd never seen before; a butterfly nature reserve. We had a sit and think there.

Before long, spring was upon us. It was one of PP's favourite times of year. I felt unintentional begrudging towards the daffodils and sunshine because she was missing it. I reminded myself of her wise words "you'll just have to enjoy everything twice as much, for me". She was right. 

That month, I escaped to Somerset for a close friends hen weekend, and we went to a family music festival (Mum, I'm certain, would've enjoyed the giant octopus tent pictured!).

June arrived, and I finally had an operation I've been needing for some time... Being hospital was a daunting experience after everything we've been through, but I'm pleased to report my foot operation went well and Woolly Worm posed with my crutches beautifully.

Not featured are the hours of conversations, tears and heartbreak we feel every day. But we must go on and try to enjoy this life she was cut short from.

If you read through all this, well done! I promise to be more concise in future posts, but this was a difficult one to write.