Slip-sliding away

When I arrived at the usual 2pm, Margie was asleep. She was still in her pajamas. I showed her the time, and she was confused by it, but she was hungry and said let’s go out to lunch. It was a little cooler today, so I said sure, but she wanted to shower and dress first.

She came out of the shower and was surprised to see me, but not alarmed. I asked if she wanted help dressing, but she waved me off. She was surprised to see me again when she emerged in her yellow shirt and black cropped pants. And so it went. 

At 3pm we had walked a block from her place, and she enjoyed a tabouli salad and cappuccino while I had a steamed milk. I asked her what she was thinking about.

“Bernie. Helen. We were so happy together.” 

Tell me more about Bernie, I said, and she touched her heart, but she couldn’t find words. After a while, 

“I miss them every day. Especially Bernie. I’m tired of  being here  without Bernie. It has been a long time.”

I took her hand, and she asked me how old she is. She was amazed to hear that she is a month from being 99, and then annoyed.

“That’s very old. It takes everything I have, just to get through the day. I think it’s time I can go, don’t you?”

I said whatever you need to do, Margie, is OK. You’ve been a great mom and a great friend, and you have loved well and been loved. She smiled.

At 4:30, as I was leaving her, I covered her with a blanket on her couch and handed her the little soft bunny. She asked me, “What will you do when I’m gone?” This time I was ready. I beamed at her and said, 

I will talk with you in the trees and in clouds in the sky. I will talk with you in the wind, and with hummingbirds. Whenever I’m near the ocean, or a river, or even a fountain in a park, I will talk with you.

“You know me,” she said, closing her eyes and blowing me kisses with both hands. “You know I love water. I’ll be in the water.”

Extra: another Margie, and one from last night: Cristina lighting sparkler candles, an eight and a zero, while Bella made a video. Seth and Evan were sitting beside me.