Normal bilirubin count

Three almost disjointed matters. Please feel free to ignore what lies below.

Had to follow-up with a repeat of the liver function test after this. My medical report today was perfect. The bilirubin count came down from 2.7 mg/dl to 0.6 mg/dl, which is well within normal limits. All other symptoms (or the absence of them) would indicate that this reading is correct. Yes, I have been under medical treatment as well as a restricted diet for the last three weeks. But this is quite a drop. Either I would have had jaundice for a while and not known it, which is a possibility. Or the previous report had an error. The hospital, which conducted the tests is reputed and perhaps callousness can be ruled out, since every incorrect result has consequences. That reminds me of a colleague who was absolutely cynical about the medical tests conducted in office. It hadn't occured to me until he said that these hospitals are often hard to believe. They are likely to tamper with the results and ask you to conduct a series of tests and administer medicines which would make you a regular client at their facility (They did ask me to come down for an ultrasonogram test, which I clearly do not need now). Sadly even healthcare is business. The cynicism of this opinion appalled me. Perhaps somewhere deep down I believe he may not have been wholly inaccurate. The attitude in India regarding making money is such that, people are willing to stoop down to any level for it. Living with such absolute cynicism, for me, almost defeats the purpose of living. But what if, my colleague was right in this case? Then it would disappoint me gravely.

When others subscribe to your journal, it has a strange effect which begins with some joy and eventually leads to questions, which are hard to answer. What do they subscribe for? The journal is just a reflection the days that pass and much of routine life is mundane. We revive the same-ness of each day with unchained thoughts and ideas, and the "real" places we often live in. But when it comes to subscribers, does one feel obliged to them in some way to produce the kind of images, or write the kind of text one imagines they would expect? But then one remembers the simplicity and the beauty of blip and what it began as. And one continues with that same child-like enthusiasm.

This is an extension of a larger question Adda asked me on Sunday. Not that I hadn't asked myself the question before, but being directly faced with it, one is compelled to confront the truth. He said, "Would you continue taking pictures even if you were never allowed to share it with anyone? Not with your family, your friends or even on the internet?" It made me smile for a start. The answer is not an outright yes or no. There is no denying the fact that I love taking photos, the thought behind each photo and the entire process of trying to create something of beauty. Art is often a way of expressing those nameless thoughts, those ideas that lie beyond the reaches of reality, in the vast difference between the whole and the sum of its perceptible parts, the uncertainties at the edge of reason... The process itself is a lot of joy. But the question remains, is it enough? The encouragement from viewers plays a very crucial role. The ability to express oneself to the viewers, a desire to try and express that which words are not as easily capable of, to try and show others the world through your eyes is greatly important too. I think this is a fine question without a definite answer. Unless faced with such a situation, one would never know what the truth is. If clinically dissected, this can lead to questions of a far more fundamental nature, which are further difficult to answer. But the thought process is most definitely interesting.

I should not forget to mention 'Revolutionary Road.' What an incredible movie! Sam Mendes does have a predominant dark streak in all his works and this one is no less so. The people are so real, you could be one of them. And if not, you at least know someone who fits the description. The portrayal of the characters is rather brilliant and perhaps a bit too real for usual tastes. There are a few scenes, especially the one towards the end, with Kate Winslet barely able to climb down the stairs and standing before the window. An absolutely chilling scene that is likely to form a very strong impression. If I start on the movie, there would be much to write and much to think. But this write-up is far too long already, so I shall continue elsewhere.

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