Birthday chores

Jacob at 12, with my handpainted birthday card featuring his King Charles spaniel.

A CHORE is the challenge topic.

Jacob and his older brother Michael are the only children I have been really close to. I have known them both, and prayed for them both, since before they were born. They were taught to call me 'auntie' but really I'm their honorary grandma. In fact, part of the reason I ended up in the Pacific Northwest is because their parents moved here for a job and I said, "You can't take my baby away from me!" They lived right down the road and I saw the kids often. We would blow up balloons together, make up plays together, read storybooks together, draw and paint together, chase each other up and down the stairs, have a rolicking good time.

Nine years ago, their family moved to Florida. I've only seen the kids once since then. Their mom sends me pictures and news, and I try to keep up with their interests and doings. Jacob is a soccer fanatic. Michael has a beautiful singing voice and has been appearing in school plays for a number of years. Every year I faithfully remember their birthdays and make them handmade cards. This is a picture Jacob sent me three years ago, holding my painting of his dog which he was quite thrilled with. I've also written them some long, serious letters about life that I hope they've kept and will return to.

Over the years it has been harder and harder to stay involved in the boys' lives. And it has become more of an effort for me to remember these important dates and make sure that I celebrate each birthday in an appropriate way.

Today, my first chore was to put a card to Jacob in the mail. He will be 15 on Monday. My card may not get there on time, but I did my best. My second chore was to write a letter to the two boys explaining that this is the last year I'm going to be making an effort to celebrate their birthdays - they're not little kids anymore. I wrote...

Guys, I have decided to resign from this job. I am retiring. It’s not that I love you any less, but that you are so grown up now that you don’t really need me to play Auntie the way I did when you were little, when you sat in my lap while I read you stories, when you thought getting six crisp dollar bills when you turned six was a big deal. ;-)

I have been thinking about this decision for months. Birthdays used to be a pleasure, but eventually they became a chore. Now that I've taken action I feel a sense of relief. These kids may be a part of my life in the future, or they may not. But it's time to have a more grownup relationship with them, if they're interested. I hope they will be.

(SOOC. A one-snap blip.)