What's Lost

We went to visit cousin Becky and Matt today with their new baby Ieuan. He is the sweetest thing. We all got a cwtch, apart from Gideon who was too terrified he would drop him. It was nice actually, seeing Becky and talking to her. Like the old days when everything was so broken and stained. I felt good leaving their home, until she ruined it with bitterness and bad memories. I know now that I miss her. I miss Nathan too, we were close once I think. Apparently Josh has grown tall and Anna's looking for a university. I don't even know little matthew. Does he even remember me? Sarah's engaged as is Lucy, I've never met them but from the pictures they seem nice. I haven't seen Imogen since that night Dai used her as a battering ram, so too speak, to gain access to our home. Becky tells me she has the most gorgeous red hair. I think she mentioned she was two years old now. I don't know her. Something's happening with me and Joel. Were growing apart and I don't know what to do. He was the one family member I thought would always remain my friend. But it's awkward now and our interactions are luke warm. I'm starting to grieve I think. For what could have been and now what never will. I think it hurts more because I know they don't feel the same. They have each other. Life will go on for them, together , as a family. I want it back. But it is gone now, forever.