Culpable...

.... in the deaths of numerous innocent trees.

I would have posted this picture earler, having taken it after arriving early for an eye check with the ophthalmologist, but she stuck loads of drops in my eyes, and it's only now that the screen isn't a hazy mess.

I'm never entirely sure with these things why they bother having appointment times either. 9am I was there (well, 15 minutes before that if we're being picky). First patient for the Prof. and I got taken in 20 minutes after the posted time. Not the worst wait I've ever had, but no apology, and arriving while I was sitting outside her room she walked straight past without a flicker, without any, "I'll just be with you in two minutes." Everyone was pleasant enough after that, but these days it does feel more like the NH than the NHS.

Never mind. It's Friday, I didn't get in till 11, and the boss is away (and away all next week). And we may finally get back to Chop Chop tonight (sparked by Joe's blip a few days ago).

As expected the website didn't go online last night - but sent out a holding email for issue 52 to be online tomorrow by midday, which gives me a bit of breathing space. And gave me time to think about how it's going to interact with some new plans I've been working on in the last week or so which include:

Open Uni BA (Hons) in English Language and Literature (with Creative Writing) (while still working, eek!), which I think means I get to wear lots of gold jewellery and point at students saying 'I pity the fool!', though I may have got the wrong end of the stick (actually, this is only possible because of Mel's support);

Giving the website till issue 60 to either become a real-world magazine, or make some money, which gives me a deadline to work to and might actually force me to do the things with it I've talked about for long enough;

Get contacting the people in telly-world I've now got the contact details for;

Finish writing the second novel (the first was never published, so you won't find it anywhere);

Re-launch my photography website, probably as a solo venture, with the aim of that making some money as well;

Quit being a lawyer!!! (okay, that's still a few years off, but...).

As Mel quite rightly points out at times, I'm a dreamer, and my friend Steven is constantly telling me to 'focus'. I've had plans before, but I've never gone as far as writing down just where I want to be in the next couple of years. This feels different - maybe the holiday has had some sort of psychological effect on me, or maybe I've just finally had quite enough thank you very much of not doing what I want to do (which is the thing I always looked forward to as being an adult when I was a kid). It's also (despite the long list) actually a lot more focused than has been achieved in the past.

Who knows, but it feels like a start...

p.s. It may seem strange unloading all of those plans on here, but it's another facet of me making this real, of having genuine plans, rather than vague notions, and of actually putting some pressure on myself to bloody well make this work.