Transparency

Something that I value. Transparency.

Particularly disturbing to me, is the effect of ones transparency on another. When I look at this photo, I see something so simple, so raw, so honest.
So transparent. That's because I remember the moment I passed by this mirror and thought, "I love the color the light appears right here", just before running to get the camera. Just. Me. Playing.

The longer I look, however, I see what you might see. It looks odd that the shadow of my left arm is in the foreground. It's also odd that I would stand on the chair quite that way, except that I am only a reflection of me, and I'm not standing on the chair at all, because the chair is just a reflection...that's all.

Something else that looks odd, is the demeanor that my reflection has. It's not the reflection of someone taking a picture, at least not the way I imagine someone taking a picture. In that regard, it doesn't look transparent at all. It looks totally posed. Totally false. So it can't be transparent.

But that hint of a smile. I remember it. The comfortable, satisfied smile of someone who likes the friendly face looking back at them, especially in that interesting light. We really do, all, just want to find what is real and what will last, and we want to see it the way others see it, or we want them to see it the way we see it, so that we can see it together. We want a shared, transparent experience. Something that says we are part of something so completely real, and we can all agree.

We get tired of agreeing to disagree, but if we are going to be transparent, then we really have to keep it up. But we have to be honest that we do disagree. That one of us sees a reflection in the mirror, and the other one sees the shadow of another person's arm, not belonging to the person in the mirror. The truth is, only the person whose shadow it is can tell you which it really is. On the other hand, that can be a misunderstanding too. Light. Shadows. Reflections. They're tricky. It starts out looking so clear, but ends up so complex. And then, we don't really want to be transparent at all, because it just got too hard to explain.

But we have to try. We just have to.