Captain Wags: Killer, Profiteer, Fetcher of Sticks

The Pirates are back!

Cap'n Wags is a much-needed moderniser of the Pirate profession. He doesn't fit the stereotypical pirate image of a plundering ruffian obsessed with murder, treasure and Winalot. The good Captain realised that the profit to be made from keel-hauling captives to make them reveal the location of their slightly-under-the-weather-gotten doubloons was a mere drop in the canal compared to the huge fortunes which were being extorted by the marauding gangs of evil and much-feared Business Consultants.

And so, armed with his flintlock pistol, blood-stained cutlass and an MBA from the Open University, he roams the Seven Canals looking for likely prey.

When he spies a profitable concern, he pulls alongside in his ship - The Black Business Plan - and boards the boardroom. He then batters his victims into submission with specially sharpened power-points and, using a selection of pi(rate)-charts, shows them where they will be marooned unless they hand over all of their money to him.

Many old-school pirates say that this behaviour sickens them and ask what was wrong with good, old-fashioned, honest thievery and thuggery. But the Captain is determined to drag the profession, kicking and screaming (he especially likes the screaming) into the Nineteenth Century.