Firing Blanks

Thursday night was the 5th Annual Battle of Hastings Proms. This is an event I'm extremely proud to play a very small part in: on the day, I am basically my step-dad, Roger's assistant. Being the conductor of a 150 strong choir and a professional 27 piece brass band, he has rather a lot on his mind and, over the years, we've established my role as being 'anything he doesn't need to worry about'. Whether this be sound and mic position, lighting, stage setting, choir member questions, selling programmes, putting tickets on gates for guests, getting the choir on and off stage safely and on time, you name it, I take it.

This night was made a bit more special.

For the first year, the sound and light guys decided we were getting pyrotechnics: mini on stage explosions that showered the choir in confetti.

The setup of these was relatively straightforward: 2 small but heavy items suspended from the lighting rig and, in the simplest form, plugged in.

After some time over the evening, the stage guys agreed that, as I knew the music, I should be allowed to select the moment these two devices were activated. I was giddy with excitement. A Facebook post and a tweet later and I was, literally bouncing with excitement.

We had, in advance, agreed with Roger that the best moment would be at the climax of Rule Britannia.

The moment drew nearer, my legs got weaker and I was like a kid in a sweetshop!

With a few moments to go, Adam armed the system: Yes, this happened, I’m not making it up! He had a key to arm the system. Having armed the system, two switches activated the charge in the confetti-bombs, all I had to do was hit the ‘Fire’ button at exactly the right moment.

As Rule Britannia roared through the 35,000 watt sound system to a stunning crescendo, the moment arrived….

FIRE……

nothing.

FIRE……

nothing

FIIIIIIIIIRRRRRREEEEEEE…..

nothing.

The moment passed, no explosives, no confetti and no booming surprise for blissfully unaware audience.

I don’t honestly think I have felt disappointment like that in a long time: I got the chance to press a red ‘Fire’ button and at the moment when a dream had the potential to become reality, the system failed.

Adam, Adam and I were in stitches. And in the 20 minutes that followed were able to establish that the system probably was functioning but they had failed to insert the batteries that power the arming mechanism.


My disappointment was hugely overshadowed by a simply brilliant Proms: My step-dad once again doing me, the family, the Round Tble and the whole of Hastings proud.

Maybe next year we can get the pyrotechnics right so I don’t fire blanks in front of 1425 people again!