For you, Sara Iman

By fazlinasser

Dear Sara,

How have you been? Every time I asked Mommy this, she would say, you're such a wonderful girl. I know you are, and I pray that you will always be. It's been 3 months since I last met and held you. I don't really know how long more is this period of punishment where I cannot meet you, but I hope that you will not forget me. I will wait for that beautiful day where I can spend time with you again.

In hopes of that, here I am writing this so that one day you will read it and find me. I know it's a little bit dramatic like in the movies but I am losing my mind not being able to speak to you. And all I want to say is how much I love you Sara. So here I am, writing this diary for you.

Today is the first day of Aidilfitri, and it really feels empty not having you around. Usually you, me and Mommy would dress up, eat amazing food and visit our relatives. I never cared about all of that. What's most important every year it reminds me of a new start for us. It's that hope to reset our life, move forward and make it better.

Hearing the takbir last night reminded me of you so much. There are many wrong things I have done in my life, but the biggest punishment I face now is not having you around. On this day, I would like to apologize to you Sara, for not being able to be there for you on this joyous occasion. I am really sorry for being a father that is always not around. I regret leaving you and everyday when I sleep, I hope that this is all a dream and I would still be able to wake up beside you. I miss you so much Sara. Your laugh, your cheekiness, your very makcik character, your questions, and more. Only God knows, how much pain that is going through me every single day when you're not around. I pray to Him that you will never ever go through the same pain as I do, ever. I am truly sorry my child, please forgive me.

Someday, inshallah, we will spend time together again. You are my hope Sara. My motivation to achieve my goals in life. My inspiration for living my dreams. I will always love you Sara Iman.

Take very good care of yourself. I heard you had chicken pox recently, inshallah, it will be over soon. Eat your medicine ok. Respect and love Mommy, she is a great mother. Pray to Allah. Until we meet again.. here on this page or in person.

Love you always, your Daddy,
Fazli Nasser

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