A rough night sleep wise, still awake at 4am and then woke around 7. Kelly and I were texting at 2.20 this morning; she was feeding Lewis, I was lying in bed.

The psychiatrist came today and talked over what will be happening and going over my medication. I have an extra anti –depressant, diazepam and sleeping tablets now. He was very good and explained the service well and now I understand what’s what.

I have to go to the dr and get signed off for 2 weeks and for these 2weeks I will get a nurse visit me twice a day to chat, help with anxiety by doing relaxation with me, going out for a walk, drive , coffee etc. Whatever I need on the day. After the two weeks it is reviewed and can go on until week 5.

They also offer a 24hr phone service that I can call if I am struggling. The great thing about that is that as soon as I phone they will have all my records in front of them so will know everything. I have been encouraged to phone if I feel anxious, ready to self- harm or anything else. If they feel someone needs to come out to me that will happen.

Later on I walked along the front to collect my car that I had to leave at my counsellors on Tuesday night. The sea was calm and very blue.

Then into Asda for some easy tea where the anxiety kicked in and I couldn’t wait to get out. I can’t believe I am feeling this again.

I phoned the phone service as I had self- harmed and the anxiety was high. Had a chat and was told to take a diazepam and they would phone back in half an hour.

I am anxious about tomorrow’s visit and the coming week; have I done the right thing? I feel overwhelmed over what has happened in such a short space of time. It seems there is a lot of information to take in and it’s hard to cope.
I really want a drink but my friend took all my alcohol away.