27.........

Continued......

From across the crowded restaurant, Andrew spotted Lillian and Dora at their favourite table, studying the lunchtime menu with forensic intensity. He wondered if he could go and hide in his office, but with the instinct of a lioness spotting a tiptoeing gazelle, Dora looked up and waved him over.

'This menu says you have purple cauliflower.' she said, accusingly. 'There's no such thing.'

'There is. I'll bring you some.' He decided to divert her with some flattery. 'You're looking wonderful today. And I see you're having champagne. Are you celebrating something?'

Dora and Lillian nodded in unison. 'Victory!' said Lillian. 'This is a great day for Scotland!'

'Ah, so you were no voters then?'

Dora frowned. 'In the referendum you mean? Of course not. The Darling chap's shirt was crumpled. You can't trust a man with unironed cuffs.'

Andrew thought about asking if she was unhinged, but resisted. 'So you voted yes....but you're celebrating a victory?'

'The yes vote triumphed....not that I was allowed a vote. Do try to keep up Andrew.'

Not for the first time when conversing with Dora, Andrew briefly wondered if he'd fallen into some sort of parallel universe. 'Look ladies, I think you've been misinformed. The majority vote for independence was no!'

Dora gave Andrew a look that would have turned his best Burgundy to vinegar. 'We're not talking about independence for heaven's sake. We're considering joining the R&A in St Andrews now that they've decided to admit women members. Lillian has bought a new putter, specially for the occasion.'

Andrew opened his mouth and shut it again. There was no point. Like Alex Salmond, he decided to retire to a darkened room for a while......