A fast, comfortable, reliable, good value, modern and comprehensive railway network?
Don't just dream it.
Oops shite. Sorry guys, wrong product. Go back to sleep all of you and dream harder. We'll give you some extra time for that. We are expecting some delays (those of more than 10 minutes, the others we don't even bother our arses mentioning them).
Yep, another four leaves have landed on the tracks.
And the weather conditions could be described in meteorological terms as "blowy as fuck".
This being Ireland, we are understandably unprepared to deal with blowy-as-fuck weather conditions.
Thanks for choosing Iarnrod Eireann.
You what? You don't have a choice? Be-jeezus, but that's true! Another 29% hike on your ticket next December, dude. Your Christmas bonus from all of us at Irish Rail.