Hair Clumps? - Mine's Crap!

I've always had a bit of a problem my hair - it started to thin out slowly when I was 30
and has continued to do so ever since - albeit at a very slow rate. There were some guys who used to take the mickey out of my hair in the early days, and now I am happy to say that most of them are as bald as coots now, whereas I've still got plenty, although if I let it grow, the front comes up in a sort of crappy, tufty, clumpy, lumpy bit.
It is however a bit of a pain when the kids grow up calling you "slap-head"

When it sticks up like this, I know it's time to cut it.

A number 4 methinks.

This is part of my assignment btw. some of you may have already guessed that the title of my piece relates to the handle of this gentleman.