Dreary photo for a dreary day.

First photo on Blip.

I enjoy the idea of posting a single photo per day. I guess it means that you can look back and remember what you did that day.

I wasn't planning to get up until about 12pm then have a quick shower, go to Abertay's library and submit my coursework but Sarah had work at 8:30am, so after she got up, I couldn't really get back to sleep. Damn my light sleeping-ness. Instead, I've been out of bed since around 8:30am and made myself a caramel latte. I woke up with a horrendous feeling that I was going to whitey if I moved, it thankfully I didn't. Feeling much better after a coffee, however. I should probably shower soon and get ready for uni.

Monday's are always counselling classes.. They really tire me out. Counselling is not something I want to do - yes, I know I chose to study psychology and counselling at uni.. But I've realised that I chose the wrong thing through not researching what I wanted to do properly and now I gotta deal with the consequences. But whatever. It's not too mentally draining, I must say.

So I've just retired to my bed with my red fairy lights on, curled up under the quilt. I know this is a little unrelated and I despise it when people constantly go on about their mental illnesses on social media sites, but sometimes it's just so hard to get out of bed with depression. I don't even know why, but for me, I think it's the idea of that my dreams are better than my 'reality', and so I don't want to move from the spot where I feel the happiest.. But it's like, sometimes I literally and physically cannot move from my bed unless someone drags me or gets pissy with me (which doesn't exactly help the situation, but again, whatever). Eh.

I had a little breakdown the other day. It was our flat's halloween party (which hardly anyone came to) and my flat mate hit me with a plastic battle axe pretty hard on the knuckle. Obviously I didn't show it at the time, but it really fucking hurt. Went to the kitchen with Sarah and burst into tears. I was suddenly drowning in the thought of, 'I want my mam.' (Speaking of which, she just texted me! Wow, timing!) I couldn't control myself.. So, blubbering like a baby, I stayed in my room until I had calmed down enough. I really appreciate what Sarah did for me that night. She put ice on my hand and kissed it better, bandaged it up and made me food after everyone had went to bed.. So yeah. Time for a trip home, I think. Sarah was insisting that I go home and I think she's right. My fam offered to pay for the trip, too. It's usually a 3 month period where I miss them all too much and need to go home for a little bit, even if it's just the weekend. So that should be happening soon.

But for now, I might have a little nap and set all the alarms for maybe half 11; that should give me time to get everything ready for uni, have a smoke, then jump in the shower ready to submit my shit online.. Then class. Then what? I need to go to the gym. Been feeling pretty shitty about my body lately too. Feel like I've put on so much weight.. Trying to type out a meal plan for me and Sarah.. But healthy food is so expensive. Going to have to set some days aside to have a look online at the prices of everything and go for a walk to Lidl and cheaper stores like that.

I wish I had some sort of hobby that I had done since I was little. I'm thinking of starting ice hockey - when I have money because you know, absolutely everything costs money. It's good that I've found a job in Dundee but it's never going to be substantial enough to keep me going for rent and whatnot. So job hunting needs to resume, too. So many things on my mind.. But it's all little things that clump together to make a massive ink blot on the canvas of my brain!

Uhh.. There's gates outside in the courtyard that the bin men use to take out the bins and stuff.. It's so damn loud. Considering putting a heavy brick down there so it doesn't bang so much.. Honestly. It's almost panic attack inducing!

So. Nap time, then uni, then I don't know what me and Sarah will do when we're both back in the flat. Probably play some Minecraft.. I'll try and get this meal plan started again.

"Winston was gelatinous with fatigue." - George Orwell, 1984.