head in the sky...

I woke up late around 6am, not that I slept through the night, but I did not get out of bed. I was making an effort to catch up on my sleep. I feel as though I did, which means starting the day with a heavy, out of it feeling, some times almost worse that running on too little sleep.

It is a cool morning, and it had rained in the night. Pleased about this, I took my camera out into the front yard, and knew it would be a sit in the wet grass kind of day. From this photograph one would not know I was outside or that the grass is a vibrant green and there are violets all around. The wet grass was cold and exhilarating. Chilled, I wrapped myself in a blanket to process my photograph.

Yesterday was better. I worked on my main painting, and started two small new ones. I drank copious amounts of water, something like 11 or 12 glasses. My body and mind sprung back to life, the more water I took in. I decided that I would be carrying a water bottle around with me again, like I used to do in Oregon. Truthfully, I carried a water bottle around in Oregon, because it became some bizarre safety touch stone in my life. I was in school, and dealing with tremendous amounts of anxiety and I learned that as long as I felt like I could swallow I would not panic, and it was much more pleasing to swallow water. So, I was getting hydrated and avoiding panic attacks and that seemed like a win-win. Anyway, then I got mad at myself for relying on the water to avoid the panic and stopped carrying a water bottle- and well here we are, I feel like I have been in a constant state of dehydration ever since.

Because I slept hard, again I didn't remember my dreams, and that was disappointing. Today I will return to the studio and finally resolve the one painting and make good progress on the other two. This is my goal. Today is beautifully overcast and wet, and all the flowers really punch out against the grey sky. The green is that fresh green that only stays around for a few weeks before it dulls into summer. I have a thousand stories in my head but none of them are reportable.

The words are not filing into place.