A visit from Staffy

Now that retirement is here we`re catching up on all those jobs we`ve been putting off for months. We are redecorating the lounge. I was going to pull up the carpet and take it to the dump. But someone suggested we try flogging it on EBay.

It finished yesterday and the winner agreed to pay £82-00 when he collected it. They came this morning. A young couple. They live in rented property, are leaving it as their contract has expired. They`ve ruined the carpet so need to replace it to get their deposit back.

We hefted the very heavy carpet out onto the front drive. It measures 23ft by 15ft and cost us just under a thousand quid when it was fitted some years ago.

In the EBay ad I very clearly stated that it was not new, had some discolouration where items of furniture had stood and some shallow indentations. Everything was photographed to make this clear.

The guy wanted to cut the carpet in half to fit the room it was intended for -- and for ease of transport; they`d actually turned up in a small car even though I`d explained that the roll was big `n heavy.

The guy went quiet and then said, "It`s not as described. You said it was like new. I don`t want it." His girlfriend disagreed assuring him it was fine. But he grumbled on and on.

At that moment a young black Staffordshire Bull Terrier came tearing down the road, leapt on the gardener next door, charged through the bushes and ended up in the middle of the carpet. We all froze. He was about to lift his leg!!

I made a dive for him, but he slipped through my hands and tore off up the road. Gone in a black flash!

The non-carpet-buying young man carried on moaning about my advert on EBay. I was peed off to say the least. His girlfriend was sort of whining at him without effect.

Just then the Staffy comes charging back like the dog from hell! He skids to a halt again in the middle of the damn carpet. I rugby tackle him, rolling on my fab carpet. I wrestle him to the ground with the non-buyers staring on unmoved.

I hobble back to the house with fat wriggly Staffy slobbering all over me. I shove him into the kitchen and slam the door.

I stagger back out. My wife has arrived back from the shops. "What`s the matter with you!"

"They don`t want the carpet. There`s a huge Staffy in the kitchen. I don`t know what to do...!"

"Oh, for goodness sake calm down."

The couple are walking back to their tiny unsuitable car mumbling about bad feedback.

I get down on my hands and knees and roll back the carpet. I drag it like a dead alligator into the garage. I`m soaked in sweat and I don`t have eighty-two quid in me pocket.

I go in doors. My wife is cuddling the slavering Staffy.

What`s the first thought that comes into my head?

Blip-opportunity!

Staffy obliges. What a handsome fellow!

I had to drive him to the vet`s. Hope he`s chipped and can return home to his owners. I`d have him. He was adorable -- and slippery and slobbery and sweaty and hugable.

God, I love dogs!

PS:Anyone want a carpet!?

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