I'm letting myself in your hands
Yesterday my sons, Joni and Joel came to see me in the afternoon. I cried and they held me. I talked and they listened. They also said so many amazingly wise things. Joel said to me: "Now you must not do anything. You just let yourself in your loved ones' and friends hands."
I insisted that Timo would owe the boys (he is not their father) an explanation. Both Joni and Joel listened to him. Both boys told Timo their opinion in how they thought that he had acted. It was a very civilized discussion.
Then Joel took command and told Timo that now things are like this, that he has to give me as much time as I need to heal and he must not rush me in ANY way. Timo had no choice to say that it is OK.
Also the boys said that I haven't done anything it is Timo who has cooked this soup. So now he has to live with it.
My boys are utterly wise, warm and caring. I felt safe with them. I am SO PROUD of them what kind of magnificent men they have become. They gave me so much calm that I could sleep for a few hours.
Today I went with Joel to see his grandparents at their country place at Laukkoski, which is about 50 km from Helsinki. Joel's real father was also visiting them (he lives in Lapland, northern Finland). They were all so good to me when I told about my situation.
We went walking with Joel for an hour, we both had our cameras with us. We talked all the way and I felt a glimpse of ease in my head and heart.
In this shot Joel sits out on the garden swing with ukki (grandpa). Ukki is 94 years old, he's a very wise, warm and stubborn person. He can still walk, he uses two walking sticks. Joel loves and respects him very much. And Joel is ukki's precious.
Here is Joel's blip of his grandfather, ukki. Please have a look at the portrait, because I think it is wonderful.
Right now I'm exhausted, and had to force myself to do this blip. The love and support that I have felt here keeps me doing this. Even if this is very hard for me, it also is good for me to try to keep in touch with life. Thank you all.