A day of extremes

Bad night. Nightmare: someone had put Kökar's sand and dust in my camera. Whatever I tried to do with the camera there was a terrible rasp. I became extremely anguished. Woke up too early. The dream left me with that distress. Kökar's sand and dust? Someone has contaminated my camera. Something has contaminated it.

I felt exhausted, got up and had breakfast. Back to bed. Crying. Timo went out jogging. I lied in bed and started to scream. Then I cried again. Didn't have the opportunity to put an note on our door to warn other people of this noise.

Then Timo got back, had a shower and started polishing himself again. Brushed his teeth at one o'clock in the afternoon. I got up from bed. Confronted him in the kitchen: "Where are yo going?" "To the dentist" he answered. I asked: "Why?" "I'm going to get my teeth whitened" Timo said. What!? This has happened maybe two times in 14 years. I don't even remember when it was the last time.

I said to Timo: "Why are you suddenly taking such care of yourself? Jogging, doing sit-ups, cutting the eyebrows, whitening your teeth!? Why haven't you cared for that while being with me?" He said: "Why shouldn't I do it now?"

Something exploded in me. For the first time ever with Timo (I don't recall doing it with someone else either) I screamed at him as much as I had strength in me. Timo backed away from me lifting his hands and rolling his eyes. He looked at me as he had seen a beast. He said "Stop that!", but I went on for a good while. I haven't had a clue that I have such an enormous resource of voice.

I screamed with all my power and then I fell on the floor crying and feeling like a rag. I had absolute no muscles in my body. Timo was next to me on the floor, but I didn't see him. Then he carried me in my bed and left to the dentist.

I was in bed for some time and collected the pieces of myself. Then I ate an omelette, had a shower and went to see Sergey.

So I had a meeting with Sergey. I told him everything and cried for about an hour. He put me in different positions; I went through my relationship with my father, too. Sergey asked me to tell him what I feel. I felt the pain but also I started to feel sick to my stomach. Sergey encouraged me to feel the sickness.

He said" You can feel your stomach going like a Whirlpool". When I pictured that I started laughing like crazy. I laughed and laughed. We both laughed that tears came to our eyes. I couldn't almost stop laughing. I said to Sergey: "Now, have I gone crazy?" Sergey answered to me:" No, now you are healing".

I wouldn't know where to find the strength to ride on this roller coaster if it wasn't for my sons, Sergey, Barbro and all my friends (you included). So thank you for joining me on this extraordinary journey.

I asked Sergey to come with me on his backyard and pose for me. This is Sergey and his dog Sly. (Sergey has a gorgeous garden in front of the house, but somehow I like these wild bushes).