Red velvet

Hurrah! Today is a truly monumental occasion, for I have made my first ever cake that doesn't look like someone sat on it!

To give you some context, I like to think I'm a pretty good cook. Actually, I am a pretty good cook and I like to think I'm a very good cook.

But baking to me is a mystery. I am very very bad at it, hindered in no small part by my impatience and general propensity to leave chaos in my wake wherever I go.

This cake was no different. As always, I totally trashed the kitchen, spilling red food colouring all down myself, using every bowl in the house, leaving a trail of egg white all over the floor and in a final flourish, sending 600g of icing sugar billowing through the air and settling as a light dust over the entire kitchen. (I'm not exaggerating - I found cake crumbs and icing sugar on the top shelf of the units - how?!)

But impatient I was not. I let it cool overnight instead of throwing icing at it immediately, and the result was a surprisingly attractive and really bloody tasty birthday cake. Mega calories but totally worth it!

I am a domestic goddess.