Zooooom

Or cheap imitation Zoom! My god when did confectionary get so small?! Did I think it was big because I had little child hands or was I just more full of youthful optimism back then?

I think being a grown up can grind you down over time. I often think that particularly in relation to commuting - I'm convinced it strips you of your humanity.

For example, I feel irrationally furious if someone faffs about getting their bag, or if they walk really slowly in front of me. And I have been known to slouch down and bury my head in the Metro so someone I vaguely know doesn't sit next to me and force me to make small talk all the way home. I once even caught myself tutting at a late-running train, like a disgruntled pensioner. Shameful, shameful behaviour.

That said, Scotrail could turn the sweetest person into a raving lunatic with their shoddy customer service. Today's announcement made me laugh out loud:

"Scotrail would like to apologise for the late running of this train. This was caused by our late departure. Further delay is now being caused by another late running train, which is moving slowly in front of us."

Can you imagine if we used excuses like that in our working life? "I'd like to apologise for this article being crap. This is caused by my being a crap writer." "I'd like to apologise for having snapped at that customer. This is caused by my general hatred for all humanity."

Also, what the hell does 'alight' mean? Why do they insist on using words that died with the dinosaurs?

Gaah, thank god for small treats to remind you of a simpler time!