Remember

Remember...

My heart is in a contemplative mood tonight.its one of those nights that th darkness reminds me to remember. remember where I've come from, where I am going. Many times they are not all that seperate.

I remember my grandfathers smile. The way his eyes would light up when he saw me. I remember sitting on the lawnmower on his lap. He let me drive. It was... artistically mowed that week. I remember laughing with him feeling the deep rumble of his chest as he laughed at me and with me. I remember when I was learning how to swim I stepped off a stair ina pool and it dropped off suddenly. I remember seeing the water enshroud me and then he pulled me out in his arms and held me close, I remember standing on his grave for the first time since the funeral and all the years of not grieving catching up to me and I rmemeber Julia hugging me and letting me cry. I miss him. I wonder if he would be proud of the woman I have and will become.

Pop Pop never really smiled.. at least not in the way we understand smiling. He had wavy perfect gray hair and eyes as blue as the ocean. He was very.. german. he used to get so mad at me for things, then occassioanly there would be moments of tenderness. Oo I made him mad. I think Iw as to much like both of my grandfathers.. seems I got all the difficult genes. Pop Pop spoke so much life in to me that night. He was lying in his bed, he was dying and I walked in and read him his favorite psalm and we started talking. He told me I would make a good mother, and that he was sorry he didn't tell me he loved me more often. He died the next day. I couldn't go to his funeral, I didn't ave it in me. My mom flew out and I flew home, and I fell apart on the plane ride home. His grave is beautiful intricatly carved. I remember walking into the kitchen and he would be cooking, no one can quite make a sandwich like he could.He used to ask to use my nose, would make me smell the pot, even though I frusterated him he still tried.

My grandmothers make me laugh. Grandpa's wife is the older flirtier, sassier version of me, taught me all I know. She is amazing and I am looking forward to many more memories with her. She is amazing. Pop Pop's wife well she adn I have a ... sarcastic relationship. She still asks me if I went Tinkle before I went to bed. I am 25.

remember.. remember.