Spider Room....

Here we are in the spider room
where I've lived for so long now, and where
I shall always stay.
Someone loved me once, but I did not love her
so she went away.
Now I keep this room clean:
Make the bed, wash the dishes
everyday.
And sweep the floors:
But I leave the spiders; leave the cobwebs
on the windows, in the corners,
round the doors.

Maybe, at this stage,
there are things you should know:
Things I should tell.
Only I want you to think well of me:
I don't want you to go.

But the truth is I've always liked spiders: I like
their stillness and silence; it is their defense.
I like the sense
that they keep everything in: Not fearful
or defeated: No.
I would describe their attitude as
defiant: They are so small,
yet so fearlessly and aggressively intense.

Although
sometimes you find a spider who is not just still
but is dead. And has been for a long time
(so hard to tell).

Nor have I been well: I went and got old.
Which is fine:
I was waiting for you.
But the world grew cold
while I stayed here in this room and read
the unfinished pages of the dead. Time
I see now as wasted: Because you never came.
And I am still afraid.