winter pansies

i bought a flat of these pansies yesterday, loving the plummy, rich, velvety petals. i keep two pots going most of the year on each corner of my balcony. having no land of my own, i am always desperate to get my hands in at least a little soil.

it hasn't been a good couple of days. i hurt someone i care about and don't know when or if we will recover from my senseless mistakes.

i have cried for days, so much that i'm surprised i'm not dehydrated by now. i made myself get up and out yesterday and i passed a home improvement store and from the road could see the color of the pansies. i did a u turn.