Polling Day.

Today, I would like to conduct a poll. Simply enter the appropriate number.

Question: How pleased are you with the news that there is to be a royal wedding?

1. Ecstatic. I will be organising a one mile long street party with enough bunting to reach the moon and back.

2. Very pleased. I don't have anything else to talk about.

3. Ambivalent. They can do what they want, where they want, as long as it doesn't interrupt 'Brand New You've Been Framed'.

4. Unhappy. Spend the money on something useful, like helping the hundreds of thousands living near to, or in, poverty.

5. Morose. Would rather have Nicholas Witchell hit me repeatedly with a hot iron than have him on the news every bloody night from here on in.