Fit like Quine? ..... A Cuddly Futret

I went ferreting rabbits today with a client of mine, and what a great day for it!
Blue skies and a frosty morning making me feel that all the hard work in my business are paying off just to get days off like these!

My client, Mr J, has two "futrets", and this is the handsome hob who bravely bolted 6 rabbits, thanks Mr H, and we have had lovely pan fried rabbit loin for dinner, and another rabbit casserole is in the oven for tomorrow.

Anyway, to explain the title, my mother was from "The Broch", i.e. Fraserburgh, and one of her father's favourite stage shows in the eighties was "Scotland the What", a trio of Aberdeenshire comedians who raised the roof with their parodies of Aberdeenshire life.

My memories of being taken to see them in Aberdeen are a bit faded now, but one of their most famous sketches involves a ferret. It goes something like this....

In 1982, (In a broad Aberdeenshire accent), the owner of a toy shop in Ballater, near Aberdeen telephones Diana Princess of Wales to ask what her son William would like for Christmas.

Noo, fit wid he like for his Christmas, the loon?

Fit aboot a pair o' fitba beets? Beets. Beets. B-O-O-T-S, beets.

Weel, I ken that, but he'll surely grow intae them.
Weel I'll tell ye fit I've got. It's something very suitable. It's oor ain special line in soft toys, and it is a cuddly futret.

A futret.

Div ye nae ken fit a futret is? Futret.
F-E-R-R-E-T, futret.
Now, cuddly futrets is exclusive tae the Toy Shop, Ballater. We get them specially made up by a wee wifie, in Hong Kong.
Oh, an' fit a job I hid explainin' tae her fit a futret is.

Ye wid like a futret? Oh we'll fairly manage ye a futret.
Noo fit size o' a futret wid ye like?
We've got a dinkie futret, a mini futret, a life-size futret, a jumbo futret or a mega-futret.

Ye'd like a jumbo futret?

No, it disnae hae a trunk.
No, it's got a string that ye pull, an? it sings Run, Rabbit, Run.

Weel, fit else div ye expect a futret tae sing? Now is there onythin' else the loon wid like?
Fit aboot a rubber duke...for his bath?

A duke.

No, no, nae that kinda Duke.
D-U-C-K, duke. A quack quack duke. Like Donald Duke. Donald Duke. He's a freen' o' Mickey Moose...Moose...M-O-U-S-E, Moose!

God, div ye nae understan' English, lassie?

"Scotland the What"