Eat McFood

You gotta eat McFood
Play with Barbie
Drink Coca Cola
Don't do anything that marks you as solo
Only use your brain for playing Nintendo
Consume everything with corporate logos

Go on ahead and make all the fat cats fatter
And for God's sake don't say anything that matters

Jake Burns 2003

I've tried to get two messages into one here and probably hashed it up, but it's Friday so no-one will see it anyway. Firstly I definitely wanted to squeeze the lyrics to the Stiff Little Fingers track Guitar and Drum in here. Tune.

I'm also trying to demonstrate that at present I seem to be devoid of colour. I had plans tonight but due to a misdemeanour on my friends part I no longer do. He was due to come over for a few jars and a chinwag, but instead he nipped over last night and got completely shitfaced. I finally crowbarred him out the front door at midnight after I got a text from his missus stating in no uncertain terms that his assistance was required. Apparently she needed a hand in having a massive argument about his drinking and felt his participation to be important. I'm reliably informed (by text message at 2am) that the blame lies partly with me. By 2.30am another two messages had confirmed my worst fears. I say 'confirmed' and 'worst fears' but to be fair I didn't read them until 7am so it was hardly confirmation. I think my absolute worst fear is probably spiders and they've been confirmed for a while.

Phew that was a helluva paragraph. Here's a short one.

So I'm wondering about this writing thing. People keep leaving comments suggesting I do something in writing, but I'm not really sure where my style fits into the literary world. I can't do fiction because life is funnier and stranger. I can't write about my life because then everyone I know would realise I'm a tad on the odd side. I can't write for a newspaper because I refuse to become a political mouthpiece for something appertaining to be 'news' but actually being 'propoganda' (yes The Sun and The Mail I'm looking at you).

So what? A blog? Just like the other 40,000 blogs out there on subjects ranging from IT technical solutions to effective ways of removing odd brown stains from your duvet cover (and other handy bedroom malfunction cover ups). No thanks. What would I offer advice on?

How to moan a lot?

How to get to a second date and suddenly fuck everything up?

How to be ginger and survive?

How to take average photographs but still manage to convince people your journal is worth looking at?

Nope I think I'll keep it exclusively for you people. I'm thinking of changing my journal title as I didn't really understand it when I signed up and 'The Lincoln Imp' is frankly crap. Any suggestions?

Have a good weekend and rest assured I'll be spending mine sat pitifully in my chair drinking low cost alcohol from a supermarket I passionately despise whilst wishing I was more outgoing, dating a pretty girl and had a pocket full of beer tokens. Maybe I'll eat some McFood. I can promise you one thing though.

I won't watch fucking Eurovision. I'd rather try and descale the kettle, or see how long it take me to fill a bath with spit.