Island diaspora

This morning was pure chaos, sadness, and adventure all at once. The giant pelni boat, the Kelimutu arrived in the early dawn hours of Banda harbor and I rushed to get on board. I was the last one up as they hoisted the gangplank to leave, and my stomach was full of butterflies and doubt.

I was surprised at how much I didn't want to leave Banda and all the wonderful people here. I was surprised at my trepidation at being on board this crowded junk full of people and goods. Every available space was filled with people, good line the side decks, roaches scuttle along the walls, and the bathrooms were like something out of your nightmare. Get ready for a three day boat journey through the empty quarter of the Banda Sea...

Lari, Coen, and I cleared a space for our hammocks on the side deck and that helped immensely as there was literally no-other space. And then we waited in the stagnant heat and gazed out at sea for hours waiting for the day to end. I read, wrote, and tried to practice my Indonesian, but mostly just thought a lot about what the hell I am doing with my life and if I'll ever be happy. I missed my friends and family, and thought about if anyone would much notice or care if I disappeared out here. I don't know why these thoughts came, but they did. I was forced to face some unexpected demons on that crowded "prison-like" boat out at sea on the edge of the map and all I wanted at that point was just to be home, to find a home.

In the late afternoon a group of young locals invited me over to smoke clove cigarrettes and try to communicate with me in Indonesian. They were on their way from Java to Papua to try to find work. One of them practiced his Balinese henna while we stumbled through my Indonesian. They loved that I could speak a little and that I wouldn't hesitate to look up what I was trying to say in a pocket dictionary I brought. Every time I saw them after that they invited me over for long conversations and cross-legged sitting sessions as we waiting for the time to pass crossing through the windless doldrums...