Royal ice cream

At Windsor Castle you can't get ice cream that isn't branded with a crown. There is no obvious 99 machine here, which is disappointing. Rather than an HRH stamped choc ice I would much rather get a 99 with flake, dripping with raspberry sauce and served by an overweight and unshaven bloke in a vest with a fag hanging out of his gob, dubiously parked around the corner.

There was some sort of procession on display for tourists, with those Irish guards with those big black hairy hats. I was much more interested in watching the bulldog-like female security staff tearing their hair out at all the Japanese tourists tramping on the grass. Lack of civic pride?