Self-reflections

There is a lot of water on the moor at the moment. When I went for a run this morning it was still drizzling, not having relented since Saturday afternoon. I had hoped to capture the torrents that are normally just tiny streams, but the results weren't very impressive. I'm really not very good at capturing things that move. I need to work on this!

With no little embarrassment I realise that I was a bit full of myself yesterday evening. I was enjoying that sense of euphoria felt on the successful completion of a big task or an event. Apologies if I got a little carried away! Today I have come down. This always happens. You overdose on whatever natural chemicals give you that high, and then you are left somewhat depleted, experiencing an anti-climax the following day. You're relieved that it's all over, but you miss all the excitement at the same time.

So today has been a reality check. It was pointed out to me yesterday that perfectionism can be something of a tyranny. Balance is the really important thing, like it is in every aspect of life - to go the extra mile when it really matters, but to settle for good enough when it doesn't. I think I need to do some work on getting this balance right. There is also the harsh fact that many of us can't afford to be the perfectionists we would like to be because both at work and at home there simply isn't the time. It's hard to get around that one.

In a reflective mood still, I've been pondering the blip experience on the train home this evening. When I started blipping I hadn't expected this journal to become quite so personal, but the wonderful feel of this community somehow encourages me to express myself. I find it fascinating how each person uses blip in their own unique way, presenting a persona through their journal. It's hard for me to judge from the inside just how much of the real me is exposed to the world here. I suspect that I would have trouble recognising the picture that many of you are building up in your head from the little jigsaw pieces which each blip represents. Each person (read bubble!) out there will have their own little (more or less realistic) version of me.

I may be a perfectionist, but I'd like to acknowledge here that I'm far from a perfect human being. This whole blip experience started at a time when I was beginning to get my creative juices flowing after being stagnant for a long while. The last eighteen months have been difficult. I've had to let go of things that I didn't choose to let go, as well as things which didn't want to be let go. I made a quick comment the other day which has since resonated with me very strongly. I think creativity flows out of insecurity. The less solid our foundations the more we are forced to create substance of our own through the creative process. At a time in my life where everything is shifting, the art of blipping has given me a creative outlet and the community here has provided a kind of security, somewhere to check into of an evening, an ear to listen to the story of my day. It is a constant source of wonder that I can rely upon getting some response back. It's quite magical really.